It's been 2 years since I blogged! And now I'm back. :D well, I'm still in Ulu Tiram, the place that I used to hate but I guess I'm not anymore. I've decided to stay here until the day God wants me to be somewhere else. So I'll pray for this city, and for the school I'm working in, and for my students.
I remember a line from a Worship Leader in SIB Serdang, she said "ini kota di mana Tuhan tempatkan kita, pasti Tuhan ada tujuan Dia". I couldn't say amen to that before but now I will say out loud; AMEN! He got His purpose for me to be here and I shouldn't keep on saying no to Him. I believe He has already starts to put this town in my heart.
But that's not the only reason why I decided to stay. I attended SIB Serdang during the time when I couldn't fit in to any church here, but I have to leave the church because of someone. Oh, not exactly like that. I need to keave because I need to stay away from the source of pain. I could go crazy and be in a lot of pain when I see that someone in church, so in order to make things better, and to not make anyone feels uncomfortable (if any), I choose to leave. So it's because of me.
I do not regret my decision to leave the place I love, because I know it's the best I could do for the people I love. Maybe I'll go back, if God wants me too. Maybe I won't, but it's okay. I believe God has plan my future and I need not to be afraid.
I have a lot of things to share but I'll save it for the next post. Til then! ^_^
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Friday, June 24, 2011
I'm a complicated person, but it's not hard to understand me at all when you do it little by little..
A mean reply, so I scream
Another fight about nothing at all
And then we cry and forgive
Promising that we will nerver fall again
I know this much is true
Hey
[Chorus :]
Little by little
I think we'll understand this
Little by little
I think we'll comprehend it
Little by little
You'll take me as I am yeah
Little by little
[Chorus 2 :]
It'll take some time to find it out
To make a change, you gotta change your mind
Cause it's hard enough to get a grip
It's hard as it is without us being left behind
I know this much is true
Hey
[chorus]
I don't care
If you don't say it
I don't care
Cuz I know it
No, we don't care
[Chorus 2]
I don't care if you don't say it
No I don't care
(little by little)
If you don't say it
I think we'll understand this
yeah
(little by little)
I think we'll comprehend it
(little by little)
You'll take me as I am yeah
(little by little)
(little by little)
(I think we'll understand this)
We don't care at all
(little by little)
I think we'll comprehend it
We don't care
(little by little)
(You'll take me as I am yeah)
(little by little)
(little by little)
(I think we'll understand this)
(little by little)
I think we'll comprehend it
We don't care
[fade]
Sunday, June 19, 2011
JB ride~
today, i went out with Kak Ikmah, Kak Azah and Imah to search for the place we will go for interview next week. i was stress for the past week so it was a good way to let go the stress, by getting out of this damn place and see something that is not related to school, or work, or relationship.
we went to skudai then to Angsana and the Zon. the place i like the most from all the places we've been today is selat tebrau. i feel so relax when i see the sea, and i can see Singapore just opposite the place where i sat.
i forgot all the troubles and problems for a while when i see the great art of God's creation. i saw sea, the blue sky and i even saw stars! it's usually hard to see any stars at any bright city, but i saw them tonight. i feel so content for a while. i was so amazed by God's work.
i want to cheer myself up, i want to break free from the troubles and problems that had 'ikat' me all this time. i know i can do it if i surrender all to God. i'm waiting for a miracle from above..
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Run To You-Whitney Houston
I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
Oh a girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you, I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh what's the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
I wanna run to you, I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away, run away, no
I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears, no
If you only knew how much
I wanna run to you and I wanna run to you
Oh won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
Oh a girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you, I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh what's the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
I wanna run to you, I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away, run away, no
I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears, no
If you only knew how much
I wanna run to you and I wanna run to you
Oh won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you but if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/whitney-houston-lyrics/run-to-you-lyrics.html )
this song accurately represent my condition now.
i want to run to somebody, but there's no one to run to.
the person i hope would care about me the most, ignore me, said that he don't have enough time for everything else, that he's tired. i feel so worthless.
i guess that's what i get for hoping too much from someone, hoping that someone would be a perfect one for me, that understands me and care for me. did i hope wrong?
just one person, and he can make me feel like the world is ending soon. what is happening to me?
it's time to move on. i don't want to be a loser, someone who can live without that someone else. i know deep inside, i have the strength to move on and to live without him. it may not be easy but i know i can do it.
to all the girls out there, people around us may make our life hard but it will only be hard if we let them trouble us.be strong, take courage. i found my peace, have you found your peace?
Run to God, He's always around for you.
Life @ Ulu Tiram, Johore.
just the thought about this can make me cry. i hate this place. i hate what i'm doing in this place. i hate to live here.
i even hate the situation im in now. i never experience anything like this. i miss my family, i miss my home town. i've been away from them for almost 6 years, but i never felt this way before. the desire to go back is very strong. the desire to leave this place is even stronger. maybe it's because of this damn place, the people here, that makes me want to go back home. what i've been through here for these 5 months, turn me into someone i never want to be-demotivated, silent, empty-hearted, hot temper.
i cant think right anymore, about God's purpose for me to be here, about this crazy job that im doing, which had killed me inside. i dont know who to trust, i have no one here. i need help yet i cant find any. what am i suppose to do here? what should i do? if i cant fit in this town,most probably people in this town cant fit in to my way either. some people here expect me to be a perfect person who knows everything, can do everything and willing to do everything. some expect me to have better manners. some like to accused people without knowing the reason why someone did/say something. selfish people. some just wont listen. just what the hell am i doing here in this damn place?!
people thought they know me. but they dont. they make prediction, assumption. im not the kind of person who talk much when strangers are around me. i cant even make myself talk! and they say i'm arrogant, just because they don't know me. i'm not the kind of person who express feelings well, and they say i don't have manners, just because they don't know me. well, of course i don't know them either.
i cant do whatever they want me to do. i wont do it. i hate this place, totally. i hate it!
however this place had open my eyes to see a wider range of mankind's attitude. i can now see clearly the kind of person i am too. i realize now i'm growing up. no, i'm a grown up. people have expectation to me, just like i do. but the rudeness i experienced in this place is more worse than any place i've been, and i guess i've become rude too, because of this place. this place does nothing good to me. this place turns me into a person i never thought i'll be. and i need to get out of this place,or else i'll be crazy.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
want me to leave?
it's true when people said, a person's goodness, kindness can be forgotten when he/she did one mistake. see, this is not about a person but it's about a school. this school have so many lovely students. but because of few bad students, makes someone like me want to leave this school immediately.
i know things will not always going as i wanted.i wanted to love everyone of them here, but i have limitation. i love the good kids, and the bad kids too. from my academic purpose for them, i want all of them to succeed. it's true, no matter how bad they behave.
some of them want me to stay, some of them want me to leave. i know i have to leave, i will leave this place. i just hope to have good time with my kids during my last days here. can't i?
i will just ignore those who don't like me. i gave my best already, if they still don't like me, what can i do? end my life? no way. God is stronger and bigger that the obstacles i'm facing. i'm gonna live my life for Him.
for the kids who don't like me, so sorry that i still have a week to make you sick. guess what, i'm gonna just ignore you. and i hope you're happy with your behavior now cuz you gonna regret it.
God bless ya'll!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Say it Again :)
i fall in love with this song 'Say it Again' by Marie Digby! her voice is so nice and the lyric is beautiful! alright, before i tell you more about how i feel when i listen to this song, let's get to know Marie Digby a bit. :)
Marié Christina Digby (born April 16, 1983) is an American singer, songwriter, guitarist, pianist and actress. well, she's actually half Irish-American, half Japanese. She have some Japanese look, isn't she? and she's so pretty! :) She is known for her acoustic cover version of "Umbrella", which attracted attention on YouTube in 2007. Digby had released 3 studio albums, including one Japanese cover album. These albums have spawned 5 singles overall.
Studio Albums
- 2008: Unfold - #29 (Billboard)
- 2009: Second Home
- 2009: Breathing Underwater - #183 (Billboard)
Singles
- 2007: "Umbrella"
- 2007: "Bring Me Love"
- 2008: "Say It Again"
- 2008: "Stupid For You"
- 2009: "Avalanche"
- 2010: "Feel"
Her songs was also used in many other media such as film and TV series. she multi-talented, isn't she? she can sing, write lyric, compose song, play guitar and piano, and even acting! :D i love you Marie Digby!
to know more about her, click this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marié_Digby
okay, about the song 'Say it Again'. the lyric she wrote, i can say that it's what every girl feel. :D here's the lyric:
Say it Again-Marie Digby
Thing about love, is I never saw it coming
You kinda crept up into me by surprise
And now there's a voice inside my heart that's got me wondering
Is this true? I wanna hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Get just a litter louder
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
Say it again
The thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there's no end in sight
The thing about me is that I really wanna let you open the door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Get just a litter louder
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
And it feels like it's the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
When you tell me you're in love
Say it again
You kinda crept up into me by surprise
And now there's a voice inside my heart that's got me wondering
Is this true? I wanna hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Get just a litter louder
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
Say it again
The thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there's no end in sight
The thing about me is that I really wanna let you open the door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Get just a litter louder
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
And it feels like it's the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world starts to listen when you tell me you're in love
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
Say it again
When you tell me you're in love
Say it again
now girl, can you feel what i feel when i read this lyric? :D but sometimes it isn't all about boys, right? yeah, i do love someone, but in my life, i wanted the love of my Creator more. i want to hear He call my name, tell me that He loves me. i believe that everyone wanted the same thing. :) so this song, i dedicated to my loves and to Him who worth all praises and worship!
God bless ya'll! :)
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