Life @ Ulu Tiram, Johore.

just the thought about this can make me cry. i hate this place. i hate what i'm doing in this place. i hate to live here.

i even hate the situation im in now. i never experience anything like this. i miss my family, i miss my home town. i've been away from them for almost 6 years, but i never felt this way before. the desire to go back is very strong. the desire to leave this place is even stronger. maybe it's because of this damn place, the people here, that makes me want to go back home. what i've been through here for these 5 months, turn me into someone i never want to be-demotivated, silent, empty-hearted, hot temper.

i cant think right anymore, about God's purpose for me to be here, about this crazy job that im doing, which had killed me inside. i dont know who to trust, i have no one here. i need help yet i cant find any. what am i suppose to do here? what should i do? if i cant fit in this town,most probably people in this town cant fit in to my way either. some people here expect me to be a perfect person who knows everything, can do everything and willing to do everything. some expect me to have better manners. some like to accused people without knowing the reason why someone did/say something. selfish people. some just wont listen. just what the hell am i doing here in this damn place?!

people thought they know me. but they dont. they make prediction, assumption. im not the kind of person who talk much when strangers are around me. i cant even make myself talk! and they say i'm arrogant, just because they don't know me. i'm not the kind of person who express feelings well, and they say i don't have manners, just because they don't know me. well, of course i don't know them either.

i cant do whatever they want me to do. i wont do it. i hate this place, totally. i hate it!

however this place had open my eyes to see a wider range of mankind's attitude. i can now see clearly the kind of person i am too. i realize now i'm growing up. no, i'm a grown up. people have expectation to me, just like i do. but the rudeness i experienced in this place is more worse than any place i've been, and i guess i've become rude too, because of this place. this place does nothing good to me. this place turns me into a person i never thought i'll be. and i need to get out of this place,or else i'll be crazy.